We said I do, now what?

Days and weeks after I’d went to the justice of the peace; to say I do to the man of my dreams; I’d wake up and speak aloud now what? I was recently saved, and never been married before, so I wasn’t too sure of what was next. Did I do all the right things required of me? Should I have taken better notes on how my mother walked in her marital duties? Inwardly I thought; surely there was more to being married than cooking meals, going to work, and cleaning the house.

I confess that I wasn’t taught how to be a wife. While there are many guides and self-help books on building healthy relationships and spiritual guide books for married couples; I thought I could handle whatever came up. Little did I know at that time, there were spiritual qualities; that I hadn’t tapped into concerning dealing with my mate. I remembered my mother telling me that marriage wouldn’t be easy. My response to her was that with God and my husband, it would be us against the world. Who on the Lord’s side would lose a battle against the tricks and attacks of the enemy?

One day my fantasy of a perfect life, gave way to reality. A reality at that time, I wasn’t equipped to handle, but the way a future virtuous woman would.  At the time, I wasn’t a bible scholar, as my knowledge was limited, yet the one solid, thing I knew how to do, was pray.  Upon I realizing that the domestic duties, I was doing wasn’t enough to keep my husband happy, our relationship, had gotten out of my control. My mindset was:  I was in control of how my marriage worked. That wasn’t right one hundred percent. When our communication turned into bickering, nagging, and my husband was no longer listening to what I said; the still voice in my spirit let me know that I wasn’t in control. Erroneously, I handled my husband the way I had seen couples handle each other on television.  In the end, I cried, prayed, begged and pleaded with my husband to just get it together.

Many nights I couldn’t sleep, my heart was breaking, raw truth was sinking in, that my marriage was falling apart, before it even began! What I grew to learn is that each spouse has a responsibility to the marriage and to each other. My thoughts were that I was right and he was wrong in any conversation turned argument. I didn’t work hard to maintain the foundation we had built.  In the failure with me doing things my own way, it didn’t take long to realize that our foundation was being built on a sinking foundation. Little did I know that the repercussions of building my house and tearing it down with my own hands would be a heavy price to pay, which almost resulted in the demise of my marriage.

God will only step in when you move out of the way. That was a hard lesson for me to learn, because I thought I could do God’s job better than He could. I had to stop looking at what my husband was doing and look at the woman in the mirror. It was hard for me to see my faults and shortcomings; as I magnified his. According to Ephesians 5:22; it says, wives submit unto your husbands as unto the Lord. My direction came straight from God’s word. I have to be honest that it wasn’t easy surrendering my will to God’s will when at times I couldn’t feel His presence. I have learned on this Christian journey that I have to trust Him even when I can’t trace Him.

The greatest accomplishment occurred in my life when I was willing to give my troubles to Jesus and trust that I couldn’t fix my own mess. Trusting in God has been at times a struggle against fleshly will, but I learned to listen to my husband when he speaks, and to humble myself in honor to God which would draw my husband closer to me instead of push him away. I began to reenacting, the things that attracted my husband to me, in the genesis of our relationship. I gave more of myself to him, patiently letting him know that my love was unconditional, in spite of our trials. Steadfastly, I continued to pray fervently for my husband, even when I didn’t feel like it at times, I grew weary in my flesh.  Sowing into my spirit was the word of God; –this is what got me through many tests and retests, thus conquering the Goliath in my marriage.

No longer am I distracted by every blow of the wind, because I am rooted and grounded in the will of God for my life. Seeking Godly direction on how to accomplish the goal of winning my mate over- which is a constant work throughout our relationship. I now know that it’s okay for me to admit, when I am wrong and ask for forgiveness as well as give forgiveness to my mate. God did a supernatural reconstruction in our lives individually and collectively and now we strive even harder to make sure each need of the other is fully satisfied. We began to rebuild our marriage and after sixteen and a half years my husband and I renewed our vows in our home church and we are still going strong.

Lacha’ Mitchell-Scott

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