Happily Single: Being Single & Loving It‏

Article by Shamika Pender

Many people inquire about my reason for writing the book Happily Single:  Being Single & Loving It.  What prompted you to write a book on such a topic?  About three years ago, I noticed that I was falling into a sadist self-afflicting pattern.  My relationship status often fluctuated.  I was continuously getting into various relationships with different men.  I would become involved with one man and after a period of time; the relationship expired and I would move on into the next one.  After being emotionally drained and spiritually depleted, I came into the conclusion that I needed to break away from the dating world.  Most importantly, I needed to grow a true authentic relationship (not religionship) with my Abba Father (God). 

I wrote the book Happily Single:  Being Single & Loving It, because I was tired of seeing beautiful, intelligent single women pity themselves due to their relationship status.  Around the time of Valentine’s Day, I wrote a countdown about the reasons why I am happily single.  I told myself that I refuse to reencounter the mode of self-pity.  Being single is usually seen as a curse; however, I came into the revelation that is a blessing.  God uses this time to shape us into who He created us to me.  In Jeremiah 1:5, God told Jeremiah, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”  It is during this time of singlehood, that God exposes you to who you are.  Yesterday, as I was mediating, a thought came across my mind.  “Where would I be if I ended up marrying my former boyfriend who verbally abused me?” 

I would not have written this book nor would I gain a newfound confidence in God.  It was because I took out time to get to know myself in God that I becoming who God predestined me to be.  He created me for his purpose and saw value in me when I was only a thought in his mind.  As single women, it is vital for us to remember the scripture of Matthew 6:33 which says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  It did not say seek a man.  It did not say become a man chaser.  However, it states seek ye first his kingdom, which means to seek His face first.  It is important to grow in God because He wants us all to be whole and healthy in every way.  Being content in God is the best thing you can do for yourself.  Some of single ladies will become somebody’s wife one day; however, some women will remain single for their lifetime.  God wants his children to have lasting relationships and families, because the institute for marriage is a ministry beyond anything else.  He is not going to give you your king (man of God), if you are not ready for him.  God does not want you to shipwreck your blessing.  More than ever, God wants his children to be whole and happy in Him!

The Happily Single Countdown is below.I hope you enjoy it! 

14 Reasons to be a HAPPILY SINGLE WOMAN: Let the countdown begin:

14) I LOVE Having the WHOLE bed to myself.  The benefit of having the WHOLE bed to yourself is that you can stretch out.  You don’t have to worry about staying on your side of the bed.

13) You don’t have to worry about your favorite dessert in the refrigerator disappearing.  I can’t lie. I love to eat and will fight people over food.  Just kidding!!! On a serious note, I often hear from my married friends and family members with children about how they have to hide items to prevent their favorite dessert from disappearing due to family members.

12) Developing to be the ideal wife for your “potential” husband.  Allow God to mold you to be an ideal woman of God for your “Potential” man of God.

11) Traveling free without worrying about your husband and kids.  Trips are fun, especially the spontaneous ones.  When you have children and/or a husband, you do not have the same flexibility that single people might possess.  In addition, women are most often the ones who carry the responsibility of packing and unpacking for their families.  As single women, we do not have to carry that additional weight of preparing for a family to go on an adventure.

10) MORE CLOSET SPACE!!!! I believe most women love this advantage.  One of the benefits of being single is that you have more closet space.  This will give you more room to store additional shoes and purses.  My closet at home is currently stuffed so I know I am incapable of sharing my closet space with anybody.

9) You can sleep peacefully without anyone snoring next to you.  I am grateful that I am able to sleep throughout the night without any distractions.  I am able to be alert due to a good night’s sleep.

8) You don’t have to worry about falling into the toilet.  Yes, women occasionally go to the bathroom in the dark after being awakened by the urge to use the bathroom.  Unfortunately, some women who grew up with men in the household know that when we sit down, there is a possibility that they might feel an uncomfortable wetness on their bottoms.  Single women who live alone do not have a high probability of falling into the toilet as a wife/mother with three boys and a husband.

7) You have the freedom to decorate your place the way you want.  Men tend to complain about flowery curtains and other feminine decorative items.  Married women often have to compromise with their partners on how the house should be decorated.  Another common theme for married couples is to allow the man to have a man cave.  This is the place in the home in which men may arrange how they want the room to look.  Fortunately, single women do not have to worry about having a room just for men, but they have the whole apartment/condo/house for themselves.

6) You are the master of your own thermostat.  If you are like me, you love to be in control of your own thermostat.  I hate being cold or overly heated.  Room temperature is where I flow!

5) Career:  You have the freedom to move anywhere for a top position without regard for another’s opinion.  The benefits of being single (without children), is that you are able to move freely for a top position in another location.  You don’t have to worry about discussing whether or not you should move your family.  As a married woman, you are obligated to ensure that your family members are fully in agreement in moving to another location for the ideal top position. 

4) DON’T DATE THE JOKER:  My church conducted a dating series entitled “Don’t Date the Joker.” We discussed the benefits of our singlehood and increased our awareness of dating a potential Joker. When you are single, you are less likely to avoid dating the Joker (or as I call them jerks).

3) Managing your emotions and growing spiritually.  Women are prone to hear how they let their emotions get the best of them.  Men usually state that women are extremely imbalanced with their emotions, and therefore react negatively.  In addition, women need to prosper spiritually and emotionally to fulfill the purpose of God’s will for their lives.

2) Getting to know yourself. It is tremendously vital for women to know themselves.  Most of the time, women devalue their worth and overlook their potential.  People today are no longer authentic, but carbon copies of other people.  Be yourself and nobody else!!  God created you to be you.  Find out who you are in God.

1) Building your relationship with Jesus Christ: 1 Corinthians 7.  In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul elaborates on the benefits of being single.  He discusses how people who are single have more time to stay devoted to the Lord and his affairs.  Paul warns us that people who are married will face many obstacles in life together.  The enemy tends to attack the institution of marriage.  This is the main reason why marriages, even in the Christian community, are in shambles.  It is important for us as single women to be self-assured before we become involved with anyone, especially if you are considering marriage in the future.

About The Author

Shamika Pender is the author of the book Happily Single: Being Single & Loving It.  She has integrated her life experiences and lessons in her first book by dispelling the myth of singlehood as a curse. She currently works in the Counseling field.  She currently resides in the Richmond, VA area. 

Contact Shamika Pender at: E-mail: happilysingle2012@yahoo.com

www.happilysingle2012.com