Is Fear Keeping You Away From A Relationship?

In our times, the concept of fear is beginning to be more and more ambiguous. As real threats to our life, health and well-being are gradually being excluded from our daily agenda, and we become more and more enclosed by society and its rules, fear is replaced by something else. The wide umbrella we call fear, includes feelings of anxiety, stress, and any other feeling that is preventing us from acting normal and achieving the desired results. Our fears can severely influence the quality of our lives, including the relationships we are involved in.

While some singles claim they feel better this way and it is their decision to stay out of relationships, the majority usually blames someone or something for their current status. That “something” is hard to be described, but in most of the cases it is a fear dragging them down and isolating them from the persons they would otherwise be interested. As time passes, that “something” grows to encompass multiple factors. If left unattended, the bubble will soon include everything. The whole world will seen to conspire and this could only lead to further isolation.

There are many types of fears and limitations that could alter the capacity to develop normal human relationship of romantic nature. The fear of rejection is by far the biggest concern when it comes to approaching someone with an open heart and the feelings on the table. Validation is a crucial aspect of human life and it is validation at certain stages in our life that mark our progress and give us indication we are on track. Let’s face it, nobody wants to be rejected and the fear of failure can prevent as from putting a carefully designed plan in action.

Fear, and in particular, the fear to be involved in a relationship can come as well from less fortunate events in the past. An unhappy marriage can leave anyone with a bitter taste of what it means to fully share a life in two. Clinging to much to the traumas and deceptions of the past can poison our ability to generate motivation and hope for a different outcome. Repeated negative experiences can even install a rejection mechanism, so powerful, it can’t be overridden. Like a programmed machine, we execute the same exclusion sequence over and over again. Like a snowball, our low confidence and low self-esteem catch momentum and roll down the slope.

Any potential new relationship is a leap in the unknown. The more time we spend with our potential partner, the more we get to see and explore its side and try on its viewpoint. But what happens when we are stuck at the gate and too afraid to enter? This is the moment our fertile mind is awaiting, in order to populate it with fictive scenarios. It is strange the way fear works. Once a trigger that helped us identify and get prepared for life threatening events, fear has become a lucrative skill of our mind. The same way ancient cartographers used to populate their white spots on the maps with mythical creatures and strange, distorted human beings, our instruments of charting the others fill in the void with assumptions, beliefs and speculations.

But the same characteristic that gave fear its power can come to our help. Training our mind to reject the negative thinking patterns of fear is not just of phrase out of cliché self-help books. True change is possible if patience and constant exercise are being used in the right direction. There is hope for the single to tear down its inner wall of fear and embrace the joy of life again. There is always hope that true love can emerge and get past any obstacle, if it was meant to happen. Of course, waiting too long for that moment to come can seed anyone’s heart with one of the biggest fears – the fear to see life passing by like a train that forgot to stop for you.

Fear can be defeated by asking help from others, as well as by offering to give help. Leaving behind loneliness and the fear to open towards someone else is after all an acceptance of your position inside the social landscape you belong to.