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“Soul Mate” Truth or Myth?



The idea that each of us is destined to find someone else in order to feel complete as a being, has always been in the romantic repertoire. Failed relationships often explain the lack of compatibility as not being sure if the other partner is the real soul mate. Whether we are dealing just with attraction and mutual validation at the highest level, the idea of having a soul mate is there to puzzle us.

From a biological perspective, finding a partner is mandatory. Our entire lives can be seen as a struggle to see our genes replicated in generation to come. Our success as animals can be measured only through the numbers of offspring we give life to, and through the degree of success they encounter as adults. The idea of having a soul mate is very uncommon in the natural world, where polygamy is very widespread. Relationships between members of the opposite sex have a more practical side, and partner’s team up only for reproduction purposes. Nevertheless, some animals display a certain connection with their sexual partners, often relying on smell to find each other across big distances.

Exploring the concept of soul mate is also fascinating from a psychological point of view. Can you consider an individual abnormal if he/she fails to find someone else to share life with? Questions like “can someone be happy alone?” will never receive an easy answer, leaving multiple doors open for interpretation or claims. Are there enough soul mates in the world for everyone to be happy? As most of us chase the same idealization for our partners, some of us will definitely end up empty handed. Soul mates are not a commodity to trade or acquire.

The most common and accepted meaning of the term soul mate is that person which is able to fit your way of being. For some individuals, it might be quite easy, while others might have a hard time revealing themselves to others and asking the same from the other. Many illustrations use pieces of puzzle to describe the concept of soul mates.

Only time is the one allowing you to claim that the person you shared your life with can be called a soul mate. Compatibility is often a matter of spending enough time with a person, so that you discover him/her from multiple angles. As first stages of dating reveal only the polished and carefully studied face, going beyond that offers you a 3D map of a person. At this stage, things can go two ways. You can learn to adapt and accept the elements not fully matching your expectations, or you can work against them. A little bit of change is definitely needed from both partners so that they polish their sharp angles or other address vulnerabilities. Finding your soul mate is a process of patiently learning and reshaping.

If we go back at the puzzle analogy, finding your soul mate is just a matter of allowing yourself enough time to try different pieces. But something can make your work hard if not impossible. Not knowing yourself well enough might leave you clueless in the face of so many choices. Not knowing yourself ad searching for your soul mate might be seen as an attempt to match to random puzzle pieces. Although you might get lucky, it’s a matter of chance. Other ore optimistic voices claim that the puzzle pieces are able to work one against each other, sculpting themselves so that they develop a common ground.

I think it’s important to avoid making rules and good practices about finding and recognizing your soul mate. The process is not a linear one and its results are always open to interpretation. Obsessing about finding exactly the right person might drain your energy completely and make you blind in the face of compromise. Yes, finding and embracing your soul mate is sometimes as simple as a making a compromise, lowering your expectations, and admitting that errors and flaws are normal for the human nature. Forcing the title of soul mate to someone from an early stage of the relationship might put too much pressure on that person to perform accordingly.


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