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Tips on: Talking About Sensitive Issues in Your Marriage



                 Paper is your friend

                Spoken things are usually easier forgotten than those that meet the paper. Isolate the topics you are most concern about and make two separate lists. Confront each other’s list and try to find solutions together. Don’t make the mistake of leaving the paper empty. You are not giving an exam. Instead, you need to focus and pinpoint all crucial parts where more work needs to be done. Lists can also help you mark progress in time, especially if you designed specific goals to be attained. Don’t be afraid to see your fears and insecurities written down and exposed. As they are gradually ticked out of the list, relief will begin to install itself in your heart.

              Ask someone to assist or mediate

Having a referee is a basic necessity in almost all sports opposing two sides. Although we like to believe so, justice, or what is good or bad, is not objective and depends on the optics used to look at the problem. Inviting someone who has nothing to lose or win can help the two of you reach a true conclusion in crucial debates. That person could be someone close like a friend, or family member, someone you both trust and respect. The more advanced his/her age is, the more you can trust the expertise/life experience he/she is offering. On the other hand, there is always the option to ask help from professionals specialized in couple counseling or even from a psychologist. Whatever you option is, you have only to win from this measure. It is a known fact that a fresh a mind can solve the same problem you were eroding for years.

                Take time to listen

We all talk and listen, but how much information is really getting to us? Much of what we hear goes through our elaborate filters and we extract only what we want to hear. We leave behind the nasty parts and give little focus to the voice asking for us to change in a particular way. Years of such practice can render a virtual halt in communication inside a marriage. Information is still exchange, but it is without a real meaning. Big problems are always pushed on tomorrow’s agenda and the tomorrow in which they are discussed never comes. Re-learning the art of listening is something every adult has to consider from a certain age on, but listening to words only is not enough for a marriage to pass the test of time. Some problems and worries hard to be described by words only and paying attention to the context, especially the non-verbal traits, is crucial.

                Change the venue

The set of your daily routine as a couple does not favor bringing hot and sensitive issues on the table.  If you want to rediscover your partner and make him/her open to you again, you should propose a slight and temporary change of landscape.  A vacation is the first thing that comes to mind, but it can be any other pretext of escaping home. Change of set can trigger change in approach and the momentum is kept until the desire of change reaches sensitive topics.

                Try something new!

Married couples often found themselves in a spiral of inefficient communication because they don’t challenge themselves quite as often as they did in the dating stage. Settling for comfort and the day-to-day routine can make you vulnerable for unexpected problems. The best way to avoid such problems is to artificially challenge the efficiency of your communication channels. I don’t suggest getting in trouble intentionally, but I do suggest chasing some adventure and thrills. You are open to choose anything ranging from mountaineering to team sports, anything which requires for you to talk and cooperate. Focusing to learn something new might work in the same direction, by increasing the information you will be exchanging. The new broadband connection between you two will inherently bring with it topics you would otherwise feel less willing to discuss. Success in doing/learning something new as a couple can help boost your confidence and optimism, while the team-work required from you will make room for compromise to be used.

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