Posted by The Certain Ones in Marriage | 0 Comments

When Two Worlds Collide: How to adjust after the first 90 days of Marriage

Article by Shon Hyneman

and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh –Mark 10:8

After weeks of preparing and rehearsing for the big wedding day, it finally arrives; the wedding. Everyone is dressed up, look good, and smells good and a mixture of smiles and tears of joy from friends and family. The Pastor marries the two and now they are officially Husband and Wife. Off to the honeymoon they go and enjoy a couple of days of intimacy and doing life together.

Then it happens, two married people living under the same roof (which is great because too many people live together before marriage) and now they have to figure out who does what duties around the house or being confused in gender roles or the way they were brought up at home. For example:

Mom always did the dishes. That wasn’t something dad didn’t do.
Dad did the yard work. Mom preferred to do in-house duties.
Mom balanced the finances. Dad was more of a spender.
Mom didn’t take out the trash. She refused to do so.
Mom didn’t pump gas for her car. It was something her husband always done for her.
Dad was used to Mom cleaning up behind him.

The statements listed above isn’t being stereotypical but just some ideas to show how our parents can shape the way we get caught up in gender roles and how it affects the way we think (or take for granted) once we marry. Rarely do we discuss these things before we get married and it can be a pretty rough transition entering the first ninety days to a year of marriage. As a single man, his closet used to be small but now his wife needs space for her clothes and shoes. As a single woman, her apartment used to be neat and clean, now her husband leaves socks and shorts from the gym on the bedroom floor. Who is the neat freak in the marriage? Who leaves toothpaste on the bathroom mirror and don’t clean it up? Who will manage the finances? Who is the spender or saver in the marriage? How do you view disciplining children? Marriage isn’t always about how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. It’s rare that people change habits just to please you but because you love your spouse you’re willing to sacrifice and compromise is needed for a healthy marriage.

When two worlds collide: The both of you were raised in two different households and two different ways of doing things. Trying to do what works best for your household as newlyweds is another form of “becoming one” in a marriage. There are some habits we wished our spouse would give up but what are you willing to deal with? This is the person you will love, fight, have children together, pay bills and take vacations, there has to be a certain tolerance level. The beauty in all of this is you learn patience and understand that everything don’t have to go your way (if that’s the case you should have stayed single) and you learn how to love someone who is flawed (just like you) and even to a degree you become more like your heavenly Father and grow in the fruits of the Spirit.

When two worlds collide you can:

Pray for yourself and ask God to make you more like Him during this transition
Overlook some things that irritate you about your spouse. Some things will never change and you have to be OK with it.
Learn how to compromise. Do what’s best for your household and to keep the peace (sometimes there will be fall-outs and disagreements. Don’t panic, it happens to the best of marriages and if they say it don’t I wouldn’t take advice from that couple)
Love unconditionally. Rarely does someone change through fighting and arguments but through patience and unconditional love Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs –Prov. 19:11
NEVER threaten your Spouse with “I can’t take this anymore, I want out of this marriage.”
Control your tongue. Once the words come out you can never get them back.